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Archives for from where i live…

Something is missing…

in my life, but I don’t know what it is. I am content, but I feel a piece of something is missing. What is it? A recognition? I don’t know.

a weekday cast…

I am thinking about hosting a weekday cast. Something like 30min cast for me to wind down…


They were 2 tablets of Nitrazepam, 2 tabs of Ethyl Ioflazepate, and 2 tabs of Etizolam (um, you can find the brands on the Net, I suppose).

Then, I was hosting the cast. I have no clue what I said. Ha Ha Ha, but this is nothing close to the overdose. What I am supposed to take is Nitrazepamx2, Ethyl Ioflazepatex1, Etizolamx1. I’ve cut down the dose a lot lately and I guess my chemical tolerance is low.

Anyway, I enjoyed the casts I hosted last night. Yeap, swing by if you wanna see a silly Japanese talking about nonsense.

I am going to try something new…

I am getting a bit bored with ‘late night sessions…’. I will try something new today to see what’s up.

When you sleep…

what are you thinking?

the very moment of you lose your consciousness and fall into sleep. Often, I think this may be the same as the moment I die. I don’t know because I haven’t died.

If you fall into sleep and something happened to you, you won’t wake up. So the moment when you lose the consciousness is the last moment you have in this life.

If I think about that, I don’t want to die in pain. I don’t want to die being angry at someone. I don’t want to die cursing someone. I want to die fulfilled that I have lived my life at the fullest.

Do you think about tomorrow when you sleep? I think it is the last moment of my life and the next morning I wake up, I thank my god that he gives me another day to live (by the way, I am not a Christian).

I don’t know it is just my thought.

I get silly…

if I take my sleeping pills (a lot). it is similar to alcohol…. the good thing is that I don’t get sick and throwing up. After a day’s hard work and I come back home and take the pills. They take the edge off. Of course, they put you in sleep, but there is always some sort of onset time until it really kicks in. The feeling of it is a wee bit similar to being intoxicated, I suppose.

I can’t remember exactly when I started taking the pills. I am quite sure that it was after giving up drinking and smoking. I was pretty worn out by everyday smoking and drinking. The amount was not devastatingly a lot, but fair bit, I think. Enough to consider giving up.

I sometimes think it may be better to drink the moderated amount of alcohol rather than taking the pills. I talked my shrink about it and I think he made a mixed statement. It depends on a person. Some people have physical tolerance to alcohol and some do not. I think I am not capable of handling the amount of alcohol and smoking, but I can control the amount of the pills, at least, the pills I am taking for the time being. I am fit, fit enough to run a full marathon which I could not do while I was smoking and drinking.

Anyway, It loosens me up a bit, but if I take them more than I need to. I get really silly. I slur as well. This post is being written under the influence of the pills. My illogical and nonsense writing gets more illogical and bs, hey?.

Oh… my pills are not over-the-counter stuff. So it is relatively potent. It gives you a buzz for sure (lol).

and coming back to my shrink comments on drinking and the pills. I think he is trying to reduce the number of the pills I take or to make me give up, but I don’t have any other way to take the edge off. and _He knows it_. I think I need to change my life style if I really like to give up the pills. To be honest, I don’t like to give up. It is much better than drinking. You don’t get sick, but if you take a lot (twice as much as you are supposed to take). You are going to have a hang-over. Well, I do. Nothing like alcohol, but you get drowsy the next day, not sleepy, but drowsy. Pretty mellowed out. It is OK if the next day is weekend, but it is not wise if you need to work the next day. I don’t take more than I need to in weekdays. well, these days, I don’t take much at all.

So it is my pill story, hey? I don’t about you, but if you drink a lot and you body is not good at handling alcohol, the pills are alternative. You may want to consider it if you are willing to give up drinking. it is not a wise choice to taking the pills with drinking. If you have tendency to addicition, you better stay on drinking. Well, it is your choice.

Oh… I usually try to go thru my writing to correct my grammar and rewrite sentences that do not make much sense, but I don’t bother this time.  It’s rubbish anyway, lol.

No more computer…

Didn’t I swear that I will only buy a computer I need…

When you want it, you want it. Especially, this time around, you earn a bit of extra money (you know that, if you are in Japan and working at a Japanese company). Buying a notebook pc doesn’t hurt much, but hold my horses. Do I really need it? The answer is no. The idea of buying another notebook pc got me into looking for a new one on the Net comparing this and that.


Haa…. I was a click away from buying a new notebook pc… I just bought a nice Quad Core CPU and all other components for a brand new Quad Core desktop PC and I’ve found out that ‘Windows Vista Home Premium SP1 64bit’ does not work as I expected. I can do things on my current Athlon64x2 desktop PC. It works fantastic. There is no problem at all. Bad habit, I guess. It really is. spending money on whatever you want, but not what you need.

On the other hand, someone inside me saying ‘why not indulge yourself. you worked hard and you deserve a bit or reward.’ Hmm… Hmm… Hmm… true, true, true, I like to believe that I deserve some sort of reward for my hard work.

So I got on the Net and looking for something…

Skypecast participants…

So I’ve doing this cast thing for a few months now? yeah… So I am seeing a vague picture/idea of people coming into my casts (or any other casts similar to mine, ‘late night sessions…’). If I can segment them, they are like

  1. Web-cam-freak-absolutely-what-the-f-you-doing-here-perverts.
  2. Non-native-English speakers who want to learn English or someone’s culture.
  3. Non-native-Japanese speakers who want to learn Japanese or Japanese culture.
  4. Bilinguals who want to socialise on Skype.

No. 1 is like ‘Pi** off’. So I am not going to touch on this one. We can put some attributes on No. 2 – 4, ones like gender, social occupations, age, political view point, marriage status and so on. I consider myself put between No. 1 and 4 (not that I am keen on practising my English. I’m not that desperate). So when I host my skypecast, which segment should I aim at?

For my interests, I definitely would like to have a wide range of people from across the world who can communicate with us in a civilised way coming from different races and social classes. well, you may want to say, ‘what about you, damn arse’ based on your observation on my behaviour in the casts. that’s another story you can tell me in my skypecast.

By the way, you’ve read this this far, you are wondering ‘what are you going on about?’. I just want to deliver my skypecast to the right people avoiding the undesirables. There are limited configurations available to put up a cast and you need to set the right attributes to draw attention from the right (or preferred) participants to my cast (so I can enjoy my weekends having fun with them). If you set the config inappropriately, your cast will be a total disaster. Believe me.

OK, I will dig a wee bit more on the participants attributes.

I still need 32bit OS…

Well, I haven’t done much evaluation on ‘Windows Vista Home Premium SP1 64bit’, but I am determined that it is not yet the right time to make the complete transition to 64bit OS due to a lack of support on device drivers. Not always I need 32bit OS environment, but I need it time to time to do some critical tasks.

Now, I have choices, thou.

  1. Using two desktop PCs which are 32bit and 64bit.
  2. Using a desktop PC (64bit) and a notebook PC (32bit).

No. 1 is what I am doing for the time being, but this is not preferable because it is taking up my room space. Three LCD displays are taking up my room space and I use a PC everyday, not both two. I use two PCs probably only at weekends.

No. 2 is more preferable in terms of my room space, but I need to buy another notebook PC apart from one I have in the downstairs. Well, it costs me… Hmm…

Just right before the summer holidays, it is the best time to buy PCs here. Massive discounts will be made to get rid of the current models before new ones coming into after the holidays. I am going to make up my mind by then.

Some drivers are not available for 64bit OS…

Now, I have found out that there are device drivers are not available for ‘Windows Vista 64bit’. wtf. There is no way that I can migrate my main pc environment from WinXP 32bit to Vista 64bit. Dah…

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